About the Miscreants
In our off-time, we save lives!
Ari Parke-Lane
Ari is calm and laid back. He’s also not medicated. He cooks and writes and forgets to close cupboard doors and put lids back on things. He likes Spartacists, button-up shirts, putting the toothpaste upside down, shoelaces, potatoes, good beer, Balderdash, the occasional good belch, and free pineapple. He dislikes ties, corporations, that little bit of ketchup in the bottom of the bottle you just can’t get out, ketchup, tin foil, shaving on Tuesday, and superstitious balderdash.
Laslow
Anyone that drives faster than Laslow is a maniac and anyone who drives slower is an idiot. He owns a variable-speed drill for making variable-speed holes. He plays trumpet, french horn, screamin’ hot jazz, and a mean CD player. And he sings. Some say he dreams in binary and that he wear carbon-fiber underpants. Some say he is the Stig. All we know is that he is Scout’s brother and that he is married to Abby and that he’s never actually had a speeding ticket. He is the driver of the hypothetical rally team Scout has constructed in her mind.
Matilda Logue
Matilda is the Carnival’s leading pop culture scholar. She is also the patron saint of disappointing children, chocolate chip cookie dough, sandals with plastic flowers on them, and orange. She likes foods with more than four syllables, the letter K, air conditioners, hair conditioners, the smell of lip balm in the morning, lolweasels, and soft kitty tummies. However, Matilda isn’t overly fond of lolcobras or Stephen Harper’s spray-painted hair. She wants to know if you’d like some cornflakes. You want this girl? You can’t handle this girl!
Scout Parke-Lane
Scout loves sweaters, Oregon in the autumn, JFK’s hair, free cable previews, root beer milkshakes, Subarus, bacon, James May, and her stuffed wienerdog named Fritz. She hates anything with more than four legs, giant vehicles, feet, socks, pills that aren’t candy-coated, and warm weather. When asked to describe her high school days in one word, she says institutionalisation – with an S, not a Z. On occasion, Scout threatens to become a hermit and live in a tree.
Scout, Ari, Matilda, and Laslow are all pen-names, since Scout and Laslow’s mother frequently plugs their names into Google to see what pops up. And since there’s swearing in this blog, it’s best that she doesn’t find it. Plus, her darling children would have to explain “wank.” Nobody needs that.
